Notes from August

This is the point I start to doubt that I'm hearing God's voice. For my birthday, I received a plaque with this definition of FAITH: It's not that you believe that God CAN do it, it's that you believe He WILL do it. And that's where my deepest struggle lies. Of course, the God who created all we see, raises the dead, splits the seas CAN do it; the doubt is I'm worth His attention. What if we start this bookstore and nothing goes right? What if all the money we (and I mean, my mother) invests in this goes right down the drain, and I'm still on the hook for a high lease rent for the next 5 years? What if all the hype about this being my calling in life is really a fleeting attempt to pull myself out of a dark stretch of years surviving a failed marriage, an upside down mortgage, a job that is very clearly not my passion in life? What if this is a misguided attempt to find value in my life through the disguise of starting a ministry worthy of the rich heritage of my parents' missionary lifestyle?